PLEASE, help me out I really need someone to tell me what to do. I am so unhappy and confused. I used to believe mothers are supposed to be a source of joy to their children, a shoulder to lean and cry on in times of trouble and a shelter to run into during the storms of life, but unfortunately, my own mother is far from all these. All she wants is for us, her children, to dance to her tune even if it is not convenient for us.
It is however, unfortunate that only my siblings and I receive this treatment from her, as she treats my half siblings differently and like human beings. I really cannot say why she left my father; I am the youngest of her children for my father. She remarried not long after she left my father and it wasn’t as if my step-father is any better, as she remained the bread- winner of the household even sometimes footing the bills of his other children and wives.
When we moved out of my father’s house, she moved into one of her own houses, (being a business woman,) she is comfortable but her being comfortable does not make her realise that her children’s education was a priority. My eldest sister, who is her first daughter, did not go further than Technical College, while my immediate elder sister stopped after her Senior Secondary School. I managed to finish my Ordinary National Diploma from the polytechnic because I was determined to, through thick and thin.
My half siblings went to the university, probably because their father, though not footing the bills insisted. This, however, is not the bone of contention now as we all, are getting by one way or the other. My mother does not realise that our lives could be better as she rains swears and curses on us as though, the world is coming to an end.
The first, major problem we had with her was when my step - father raped my elder sister; this became such a big issue in the family as my mother insisted that my sister enticed her supposed husband. My sister’s life never remained the same after that incident.
After her secondary school education, my immediate elder sister ran away from home, she came back almost eight years after and we learnt that she was at a mission house where she learnt to become an auxiliary nurse, got married and only then did she come home with her husband. Her relationship with all of us is however strained.
I had nowhere to go, I stayed with her and helped with her business till date. I am 38 years old and I had wanted to get married several times but my mother had refused to give her blessing. She insisted that I would marry her son’s friend. We were introduced to each other 12 years ago on phone.
Saheed had just travelled to Holland in search of the proverbial golden fleece. I never met him before he left. Two years after we were introduced to each other, both mothers organised a formal introduction and engagement; of course he was absent, his brother stood in for him. We, however , tried several times afterwards to process my travel documents so that I could join him, but I wasn’t lucky.
I really cannot say why this was so, because even his mother’s housemaid got a visa to go with her to Holland when Saheed’s wife delivered. We kept relating with each other, at a time I learnt that he married a white woman to secure his papers. But four years ago, I also learnt that he married another lady who incidentally was a daughter of another friend of his mother.
This was when his mother travelled to Holland with a maid for him.
This incident almost made me crazy as he was the man I had waited for almost all my years. I remained a virgin waiting for him. Initially, he denied it all and his mother too did same. Later, he opened up and said I should go my way after all, he did not promise me anything and he cannot wait for me forever.
I almost died, but through the grace of God, I was able to survive and tried to put it behind me. It was around this time that I met an elderly friend; a woman who actually helped me to overcome the incident. I saw her as God-sent to me because it was also through her that I met and started dating Bolade, a medical doctor who didn’t mind my status or where I came from.
Bolade came into the country from the US when he lost his wife of almost 20 years. They have been married for years without children, she was lucky to become pregnant, but she died during child birth but the baby survived. He came back to Nigeria, look for a wife. We met through my friend, fell in love and he proposed to me.
I took him home to see my mother and she had no objection. Bolade went back to the US; he’s been home twice after that. He deflowered me; he told me he didn’t believe I could remain a virgin at 38. For this, he proposed to me and vowed to love me till death do us part.
He was in the country after which he travelled back in October last year with the promise to return home, and perfect my papers so we could go back together. I discovered that I was pregnant when he left, I informed him and he was happy. I also told my mother. I was, however, shocked when my mother called me last week and said I will have to abort a three-months old pregnancy because Saheed called to apologise for the way he treated me and that he still wants to marry me. In fact he will be in the country before the end of this month (January).
I thought my mother was joking until Saheed himself called and even had the guts to tell me that I have no choice than to forgive him because he had spoken with my mother and she had forgiven him. Can you imagine this? I told my mother in a plain language that it wasn’t possible. Since then, she had been making my life miserable. She even called Bolade to tell him to forget me as my husband has returned to take me.
Unfortunately, Bolade cannot leave his job and come over. Everyone I spoke with had pleaded with my mother, but she refused. I am more than of age and want to believe that she cannot force anything on me at this age. But I became scared when she told me to my face that its either I do her wish or lose my life. I am contemplating going to the police, but some of my relatives said I can’t take her to the police because she is my mother. Please, help me.
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